I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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