so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
