At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
