Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
