i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
