im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
