Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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