i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
