no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
