in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
