The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
