She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
