i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
