Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
