Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
