remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
organizing the empties. That sober.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
