we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
