i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
