Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
