Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
