Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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