if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
