Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
