woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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