1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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