I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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