college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
