Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
