I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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