Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
