Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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