so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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