you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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