he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
