Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
