okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
