Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
