Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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