Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
