Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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