i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
