I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
