So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
