you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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