census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
