Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
