I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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