That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I love you. Go after that dick
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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