Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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