You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
