He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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